Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
