??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
