I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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