feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
