he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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