So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
