Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
