every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
