he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
