How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize