winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
