i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
