of course. lets lasso hookers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
