no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
