Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
