Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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