New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
