What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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