Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
