I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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