peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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