The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
