FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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