You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
