Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
