My nipple is on Facebook.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
