Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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