i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
