Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
