forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
