First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
