So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize