Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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