how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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