I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
