Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
