Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sponge bath it is.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
