Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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