There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize