Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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