idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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