my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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