the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
