I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
