That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's like iHOP with fire
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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