I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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