I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
