He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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