Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
