I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize