Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
