You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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