I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
