with your own penis?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
