if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
