i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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