it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize