took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
