i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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