so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
