I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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