Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am naked and annoyed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
