That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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