Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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