i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
