My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
