There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
