btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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