yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize