Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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