Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
