glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
