You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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