He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
