There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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