why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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