WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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