saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
