Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize