the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize