He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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