If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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