if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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