U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
