Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
